Seek Week: Wednesday - Lament to God

I know I should be thankful for everything God had given me.

I have a family that would bend over backwards to help me. My parents can drive me nuts, but at the end of the day I have to thank you God for giving me these two loving people that I know just want me to excel at following You and being me. They provide me a place to live that I can afford, help me when I am in over my head and make me laugh more than should be possible. I am blessed with an actual relationship to my parents that consists of more than just blood, but has happy memories, times we’ve bonded over good and bad, and a support that is based on a love of You and each other. They are what you’ve provided to keep me going.

My friends have come through for me in ways I never thought possible. They helped me make my movie. They helped me when I had no job. They love me even when I am annoying. You’re given me a group of friends that shares a love for You and strengthens me because of it. You’ve also given me a group of friends that doesn’t know You; because of them I am constantly reminded of the goodness and love in all things You have created and how even through all they do for me they still need you so badly. You have let them see Your light through me and I hope that one day You will bring them out of darkness.

I feel like I should not be as dissatisfied with my life as I am. I am trying to reorient my thinking because I know You are faithful.

God, I hate my job. I go every day and get more depressed. As great as some of my co-workers there are, it feels like it chips away at me more every day and I am reminded over and over again that this is not my purpose.

I want to direct God. I want it so badly it becomes painful not to do it. But it must not be Your time for it to happen yet and I don’t understand why.

I feel like a failure in so many ways. It’s been five years since I graduated college and I feel like I am in the same place I was then. I still live at home. I can’t afford not to. I’ve been making the same hourly wage in jobs I don’t like for over three years. I’m still single with no remote prospects on the horizon. The boys I don’t like or can’t like are the ones that come after me.

I’m twenty seven and it looks like my future is never going to come. It feels like no matter what I do nothing changes and nothing ever gets better.

God, I know You are faithful. I know You can do anything, make my life anything. But I feel adrift and unable to fight against the current.